What Jesselene Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

I had a good weekend! God was really really good to me! Lets start from Friday!!! i hope i have time to complete my entry!!! haha.... MY CELL IS SO SWEET!!!! THEY GOT ME A NEW BIBLE!!!!! I'M MOVED BY YOU GUYS LIKE SUPER DUPER UPER ALOT!!!!!!!! LOVING YOU!!!!

FRIDAY!!
I met up with my baby girl, Yings, near my school and i was really glad that she made time for me! She is still "seeing" Alan but somehow after all that she has explained to me abt him, i kinda personally approve of him! AS LONG AS she doesn't get hurt or affected greatly. I enjoyed just catching up with her and sharing with her my struggles that i had in school and i guess somehow she could relate and i was glad!

We had a good time talking about old times and boys and even rubbish talk! i haven't really spoke rubbish talk for a long time! I mean beside the times when I'm with Nabs and gang! so yup! not much really! I miss her alot still and now. haha... Alan came to fetch her home after our catch up session! so yeah! pretty neat! Not bad she doesn't just go for a guy! She got him with wheels! hehe! baby don't get angry that i say that okay! haha love love!!!! sayang sayang!!!!

After that i went to the library near church to do my work cause i just wanna avoid the school people! So yup! was glad to have that piece! I think I'll be doing that more often! church library is good! i like it! haha....

After that i met up with joy for dinner before going for corp prayer at church! haha. so yeah! that's Friday for me and all! haha!

SATURDAY!!!
Carolene is away for the weekend and so i was appointed to be the photographer for the children ministry for they were celebrating children's day. Three services was gonna be tiring but i was glad as it also meant that i can use the Nikon D80 and learn about how it really works and all!!! I had fun!

But wait lets not get there yet!!!! Rewind to the beginning! I went to church early for sound check and was hoping to soak and meet God through worship and the music as during my train trip down to church, the song that played in my Ipod was "while I'm waiting". The main line goes as such - While i'm waiting, I will worship, While I'm waiting, I will serve you while I'm waiting......- and yeah that kinda spoke to me so i decided while i wait, i'll worship and serve him and yeah.

When i got to sound check I just sat there and praised him while they ran through the songs. During the first song, i pulled out my notebook and wrote to the Lord. This are the exact words. I'm not writing to boast or what ever... more of allowing myself to be open for people to understand and read my life.

"Dear Lord,
What have i done wrong? Who have i hurt unintentionally? Why don't i know? Am i such a bitch really? Oh Lord, who am i father? who am i? I long to have that flame for you again but I'm just drowning. Oh Lord, save me. As I praise you today, let the words of my heart sing.

Teach me Father, Show me and mold me. Help me tide over this. Not alone but with you. How I long for those times with you. Just like we used to have. Who else can i trust and turn to but you? You are all i have Father. Without you I am Nothing. I long to hear from you today and see you, feel you and touch you.

Even as i get through this day, Just waiting and serving you, may my thoughts be filled with nothing else but you. Each and every second of the day. As i take the photos of your children, may it be you working and guiding my hands, my photos, my shots. When the pictures turn out well, May my heart praise you and not myself. For it is you who made this possible for me. May the moments be just you and me. I love you Lord. I really do. But i ain't sure why or whether it is because i want ya favour. Show me Lord. Why or dies it not matter? I don't know.

Love Jesse."

When we got to the second song, i don't know why but i just broke down. It was about the Father's love. Because i hated to cry in front of the music min, i ran off to the toilet and well came back after, grab my stuff and headed to the Children Ministry early! Not wanting to look back at the stage! So yup! Didn't want any questions asked for now as i'll get extra emo if i relate the happenings all over again!

My Gosh!!!! I tell you, The whole photography thing taught me alot of lessons! One is having a child like heart, faith and yup!!!! I've got pictures of it and all but in total about 500 pics? so i have to filter, delete and all before uploading and stuff. it is way too many!

The kids are so blessed! Just look at the way the 4 to 7 year olds worship.... my heart went all out to them and i found myself telling God.... DAD!!!! i want to be just like them! I want to worship you the same way.... And well i guess there was a longing. After their kids worship, they had a time of going to the destiny corner where the sunday school teachers and some parents would speak over the little one's life and prophesy over them! And i thought it was pretty cool! The kids than got the chance to soak in the Lord's presence and ask the Lord who he wanted them to bless today and in what way. through pictures? verses? words?

And WOW you should have seem how amazing some of their works were.... i'll upload it here soon! i think they should all be artist! But we all know that they got it through God! so this proves one thing! God is AMAZING!

And my prayers were answered cause God allowed me to serve Him and Worship Him and i did have some convos with him. And best of all i didn't think of my problems at all!!!! So that made me happy!

After that i went for youth service and Boy was it Good! the worship was fantastic! The sermon was sweet, short and very very powerful to me as it spoke into my life of how temptations were great and how we had the strength to overcome it easily! We just tend to forget that we have ultimate strength cause we focus too much on the problems that SEEM so big but AREN't that big! haha.....

I went up for prayer and had a major breakdown even though i didn't want to have. I didn't even want to go up for prayer but i knew if i wanted a breakthrough, it was now or never.... so i went and knelt before god and somone tap my shoulder. I open my eyes and looked up and saw flo and than the rain poured from my heart out to my eyes! and yup.... I recieved alot of word and welll i feel so refreshed!

After service, Me and Nat met up and had dinner. Had a good chat with her abt stuff in school as she is from an arts school too so i felt maybe she would understand me better and she kinda did! I Thank God for her! Had a wonderul time and than we went out for drinks with the rest of the big group and after that Bob drove me home. that was about it!

SUNDAY!!!!
today was the same as ytd for the children's ministry but after that i had lunch wih the prayer min and we had a wonderful convo abt bgr and marriage ! One of my all time favourite subjects cause there are never ending questions that are ever so interesting to listen! haha... and yeah came home to eat dinner after that and to watch F1 and now i'm here.... blogging and talking to Bin, Caesar and Jason online! haha.... so yup! Interesting and long entry this is! Haha.... who ever bothered reading! I hope you would be blessed!

I got school tmr so i have to go off soon! i'm gonna lay low and be a mute if i have to! I really thank those who have been there for me! You all know me for the longest time since i was young and i'm glad to have you in my life! A blessing indeeed! Oh wells..... Heading off!!!! Oh and i also thank God For classmates like Bin and Sam! They are really Encouraging! only thing i don't hang around them as much! so yeah! God help me this week! Amen! haha..... Good night love ones! Have a good week ahead!

Jesselene Loves you! God loves you too!!!! You are all special and all deserved to be loved!

Adios. Te Quiro,
Jesselene

This Was A Testimony That I Wrote Last Year. In times Like These I Really Want To Be Reminded Of How He Loved Me And Never Forsaked Me! So I'm Posting This Here For Me And For Others Reading That You May Be Blessed. Know That Someone Cares!

In my Days of Darkness…God is There
by Jesselene Liew

A few months back, I was on a down in my walk with God and it angered me so much that I was on the verge of giving up in Christianity. On 14 July, Cheryl asked me if I was going for the worship ministry Pre-Service Prayer (PSP) but I hesitated because I did not want to go as a hypocrite. However, I went after spending like five minutes or so procrastinating outside the room, as there was something strong from within that was nudging me to go. It was there that the presence of God was so strong and real that I broke down and cried my heart out. I did not really know why I broke down in that manner but it felt like my spirit was crying out and that I had a sudden hunger and thirst for God! It was really hard to describe but anyway I felt very embarrassed and left the room after PSP, hoping no one would ask any questions. I was kind of self- conscious about this thing, though I did not know why I should be.

During service that day, something amazing happened. God answered my prayer of showing Himself and speaking to me in a way that I was never spoken to before. Visions!

I saw a person in a white robe but I could not see his head much because the background was too bright. I then saw a girl between five to seven years old running into his arms and shouting the name "daddy"! As she did that, she started to cry. When the father wrapped his arms around her, something strange happened!

Shadows emerged from her back. The first one was mild, the second one bigger and the third one was gargoyle like. The last one was a huge ugly one with big feathery wings like an owl but way bigger. It was horrendous! Suddenly, all of them disappeared due to the glorious light of the father. At that moment, I felt a sudden gush of joy and comfort. I was home at last.

The next week, I saw more visions of God. During the Saturday worship, God professed his love for me and affirmed it. I saw Him embrace me with loving hands and telling me that He loves me so much, even during the times I was down in the dark. Amazingly, he never gave me up and I felt a love that I had never felt before. Then He danced around me with joy and I danced with Him! How I wished I could enjoy His presence every day and I know that this can only be if I seek him more.

The following week, it happened again and this time I was back dancing with Daddy. I began to question why everything bad was happening to me in my life and He said I was not letting go of all my baggages. I realised I was not ready to trust God enough and questioned myself why I was not. Daddy then picked me up and placed my little feet on His big feet and hand in hand we walked around the "room", like how penguins do with their little ones. He said that if we walked like that all the way, everything would be alright.

The week after that was healing service and I saw myself sitting down, knee to chest talking to Daddy! I just had a very stressful week and everything seemed to be going wrong. I failed my exams and was having endless conflicts at home. I was tired and weary! Then I saw Daddy come and sit next to me. He took me in His arms brought me to lean on His chest and rocked me like a baby! I know it was funny but I felt peace and joy. He kept reassuring me not to worry and reaffirmed His love for me. He told me that everything was going to be alright and it felt wonderful!

Recently, I had a heated argument with my mother and sister. It was dreadful especially when it was just after church. All I could do was cry to God till I slept. I woke up early the next morning and grabbed my guitar and started worshiping God. I do not usually do this everyday but well I did and started crying all over again! I was lost and angry and asked God for a vision again to prove that He was still there and had not abandoned me. I then saw a kindergarten and parents waiting for their kids at the main gate. I saw a girl aged three or four running to her Daddy's open arms. He asked me how my day was and I told him it was bad. He picked me up and carried me like a baby and said that I could cry on his shoulders and tell him my problems. I clanged my arms around Daddy's neck and started sobbing again on his shoulder as he carried me. We were going home but what really amazed me was the fact that he answered my prayers.

Kudos to our God's amazing love!

OK so now its late and alot has happen recently!

been real emotional abt alot of things and well I'll do more updates on it all maybe tmr when i have more time. Right now I'll just note down the poems that has been building up through my week expressing alot of what i am feeling and thoughts!

Although emotional, it has been a ride that has me moving into a thinking stage and well it has been awhile since i composed poems by my own and all!!! maybe I'll transform it into a song for my band to play but yet its rather emo and i don't really want us to portray that! i don't think the guys would either! so yeah!

Take a read on the poems and comment if you like, I'm open to it! so yup! here it is.... written by Jesselene with heart and soul and mind!