Its been awhile since i last blog and this always happens! i try to commit my time to doing this blog thing but as i mentioned previously. DAD has been controlling my time on the com which some may say ridiculous but i'll admit, i use the com to do everything except the necessary and all at home thinks its a darn waste of electricity ( and somehow i wonder why watching television is not cause know its always on till late for some reason!) So yup! but i'll update as much as i can!
lets start of with some really really GOOD NEWS!
I got into my First Choice which is FILM!!!!! so Yay! Its really God which made it happened!
Why i believe so??? Cause many of my classmates which were BETTER than me either failed, had to repeat another year or go for a second review. Most of them were actually better than meCache-Control: max-age=0
Fspan>. I admit that i didn't complete alot of my assignments, i sucked at some modules and i did work hard but not smart PLUS I procrastinate alot.
So to me chances of even getting through to the next level would be less than 10% cause most of my friends completed all their work and not only that. They were GOOD at what they do! Yeah sure i was good with my history, my skill in writing and also my creativeness but ask me to do 3d or like paint a really GOOD picture, I practically suck compared to those fine arts students. THAT was how bad things were.
But God was ever so faithful to me. He knew my heart and although i can say i was utterly discouraged when my family was not really into me pursuing film, i had friends who questioned me about whether this was what i truly desired which caused me to doubt myself cause i know i have lots of short lived passions or rather i have passion for lots of things and lacked focus. I have people telling me how hard the industry is and that i would not really survive if i was so nice and being the way i am i'll be pushed around easily and stuff. GOSH!!!!!
I was really really brought to tears cause i know this was what i wanted! I always wanted to tell express myself and i never ever got a chance to! I mean yes i write hundreds of poems and i composed my own personal songs, i dream alot and yes i wish that not only will i get to express it under hidden covers but people would be able to see it too!
And chances of me ever being a singer is very slim and if chances of my poems ever getting out there to create an impact in some lives are gonna be so small than shouldn't this be a chance for me??? To actually study film and learn the traits and start somewhere???? What makes it so difficult??? Why should i only express for myself to see when i could express and help those who are feeling the same way to know that they are not alone and that what i do could encourage the discourage, comfort the disheartened and bring joy to those who need it.
ANYWAYSSSSSS...... I am so so grateful to those who were there for me. That includes Nat and Joline and Joy and some others. Including my ex cell, my current cell and also the music min. They were so encouraging. And i thank God for working through them.
I was so discouraged for a week and just shared it with a couple of people and while they prayed for me, God gave such assurance by placing words in their hearts and giving them visions for me. It was hard for me to keep those tears from flowing out! And every week, the word FAITH kept appearing to me and also the whole DO NOT WORRY thing in the bible was being brought up many times. God surely doesn't let you go! He is indeed faithful. He has so much faith in me even when i was faithless. He never gave me up or let me down. Indeed he was a true father and friend.
I love you God and that's something my heart will always sing. I know that i sin and am not fit to even call myself a christian. But you! You brought me in, loved me, cared for me, Hugged me, Comfort me and kept me going. How am i to ever say i never felt love when love has always been there for me. Its quite hard to say i'm not a christian when i believe in Him. So even my own parents ask how can you ever call yaself a Christian or they can tell me to not bother going to church being the way i am but how can i do that???? Even when i wanna run away, His love for me draws me closer like a magnet! Oh Lord for that i thank you! I thank you for giving me what my heart desires and I pray with all my heart to have the " your thoughts is my thoughts." habit.
So Yes i got into film and i am so grateful!
Another thing i'll like to share is that recently I wish i had the chance to dance for my daddy. I don't mean the one on earth! I mean God. He is my true Father. Every time i worship, i play and visualize in my mind dancing for God.
Last week during service, when the pastor ask us to just soak and have a private time with the Lord, I was so so tempted to go back stage to really have a private space to dance for my Lord but i guess i just didn't dare get up and walk back stage and that was a flaw cause i was just not satisfied. This week when i worship, I really wanted to not be in the choir for once cause i wanted to worship God on the floor to have that personal time with him without worrying about stage presence and lack of space and embarassment. I wanted to be there on the floor at the corner just worshiping God using my own form of expression and with my own private space. But i just didn't dare to ask or even do it. I don't exactly know what i fear but i know my heart really wanted to make that connection with God.
Oh how i really long for that touch and time with my heavenly daddy.
Oh i have one last thing to share but i guess i'll write it in the next post. hahaha cause this is getting too long! so yup! Adios people. Hope you've been touched!
Oh and for those who think i'm a freak? i'm not ashamed to say i'm a Jesus freak! Really from what i said?? you can tell!
I don't think Christianity is a religion. I think its a love relationship with God. One which i never regret getting into and one that would never ever break my heart cause God is ever so faithful. Really! so yup! till the next post loves. =)
my memories ;
Thursday, May 28, 2009
7:57 AM
I'm missing so many people like right now that i can cry!!!!!
I miss Yingling and the Boys. I miss my lasalle Clique. I miss Nabs and gang. I miss my ex-cell. I miss my sweethearts. I miss Godma! and Above all things, I miss GOD!!!!!
sigh.....
this are my thoughts like now!
Love, Jesselene
PS: can't write more cause dad lock the com! how bad can things get? ALOT. sigh and i'm turning 19. OMG! THAT SCREAMS OLD OUT LOUD!!!!! sigh.
my memories ;
Monday, May 4, 2009
2:14 AM
Found this on my of my favorite drummer's blog - Elliot James from Hey monday. and i guess this really had me playing it over and over again!