I RANT
Monday, November 30, 2009
7:05 PM
What i'm doing now????
- I'm having coffee @ coffee bean.
- Listening to Stephan Jerzak and Chase Coy's "Cute"
- Listening to Colin Hay's "I just don't think i'll ever get over you."
- And back to Chase Coy's other songs again. Love male vocals some how. haha.
- Planning my pitch
- Sneak Peeking down at the really cute guy instructor in the ice skating rink! Hot!
Ain't that just so awesome! ok that is random but oh wells i'm just waiting for mum as she went for her chemotherapy. So yeah! hanging around town without cash.... hm better to sit and have coffee and blog maybe. Take a break from working on my script for next year?!?
Ytd i had a good cry by the pool. GOd knows why i'm blogging about it but i plan to open my life to a certain extend here so i don't give a care on who reads it and who judges me. You may think its not very smart but well this is me. I'm the way i am and if you think its attention seeking or its like whatsoever then fine but yes! This is Jesselene Liew. The girl you thought you knew but no one knows me as well as i know not who! yup!
So as i was saying.... ytd after my production meeting with Ridz which ended on a high note because i wasn't ready to express in front of my always so cute, funny and nice producer, i kept my inner stressed feelings till later when i could be all on my own with just nature and me.
The day was stressed enough and my producer doesn't need to know that because he has loads to deal with alrd and the last thing i wanna do is to have my burden unto him. I rather take his burden actually cause i hate to see people stressed as well.
I love what i'm doing but i am just not prepared for it. And what really hurt me the most was when i was ranting to a friend about my stressed time, he told me this which really broke me inside. He said " who ask you to be so hero and take the job up?!"
OK i was not being hero! It all started when i approached ruyi, my director for an internship and somehow or another, I ended up being her assistant director. She was encouraging and told me that i could learn alot on set and seeing my passion, she said she believed in me that i could handle it and that it would be great to have me on the team.
Alright, thing is, i thought assistant director was not that bad.... i thought it would be like how it was in school which seemed really simple. guess what! the clouds fell.... it stormed. Its nothing near simple and easy! It was like a hell lot more harder then i thought. Don't get me wrong... i don't hate my job. I actually love it. But it just came too sudden as a shock to me and i'm really trying my best.
She was indeed right when she said that i would be able to learn a lot of things on set. Cause i feel like i'm thrown into the deep end and have to learn how to swim and i think although i am not experienced, i managed to pull it off pretty well. So well that my producer thought i was like a 3rd year student but actually i'm a 1st year student who is 3 mths in the course so far.
So why did my friend have to make such a comment. What kinda friend does that?! I don't blame him... maybe he didn't mean it that way... maybe he was really being a good friend who is honest and true to me and i really appreciate it. however i suppose i didn't wanna tell him how that hurt me. I could really use some encouragement then. it still kinda pierced my heart really. Like really deep and dashed my confidence.
However Zen came to the rescue and pulled me up by a bit. Zen is my classmate who well is one of the trusted fellows i have in class so far. He that really got me on my feet and i was motivated to proof myself good. I wanna do my best and let this big project be a success cause that would really help me with my confidence and add more drive to my fire of passion for the course as i'm not driven by money or talent but i'm driven always by passion. Most of the time i can't do it all on my own but God always never fail to put people in my life to pull me on the race and tell me that nothing is impossible that all i need is more fuel each time to get me going. yup! don't mind my analogy. the theory of it all always gets out of hand. ah wells.....
ok this is getting too long.... i will work on my ytd feelings on the next entry.
till then ( which is in a few minutes)....
with much much love,
Jesselene
my memories ;
