I RANT
Monday, November 30, 2009
8:06 PM
Ytd was one hell of a stressful day. Or should i say the past three days.I'm working on a film with a friend who is in NTU and i think she is an excellent director and i love her. I'm glad she placed me as an assistant director and if she is reading this,"Babe you're doing a good job! Keep it up! Don't look back and regret! Its all coming along well. Love you dear!" I'm gonna give her a hug tmr man! Cause i think she really needs it.The past few days i've been making many many phone calls, bringing myself so low just to ask for help in this project. I know everyone wants to get paid but well.... this is a project that is not one that's sponsored and sometimes if they don't alrd know, getting the money is hard enough. People who don't work in the film line will know nothing about how hard it may get but yeah let me be the first to express. Firstly its really not easy.... money can solve everything but not everyone is that sweet and compassionate in this society so yeah. That explains my stress.
To those who offered to help here is my Gratitude to you...
For the Stand-in people.
Thank you Jeremiah, Andre, Derrick, Donna, Wei Bin, Lynne, Aaron and Roy Peng. You guys are so so important and indeed owe you all one! Thanks for taking this up last minute. I promise you that it would not happen so last minute ever again. I'll try anyways.
Seriously..... Jeremiah you are awesome volunteering even without pay and yeah.....
Andre, Gee you never fail to help me all the time since i met you on day 1 and i love love love you a lot bro. Really sad to know that you're leaving for abroad. Will miss you =) ah wells but i know you'll be back! You better if not........
Derrick.... thanks to you too. Even through the short time i know you, you've help me quite abit so yes i'm really grateful. If ever you need my help, i'll do everything in my means to help! that i can assure you.
Donna. OH MY GOD! you're so my bitch darling! you know, i know can alrd! We WILL go shopping and do our thing after that i assure you!
Wei bin and Lynne you both.... awesome couple. You helped me last year and you are helping me this year! I know that i can trust you both.... what will i ever do if i haven't met a blessing like you two! hahaha=)
Aaron and Roy Peng... the brothers i love so dear.... not that you know each other but thanks so much.... Aaron this would be a good experience for you boy for you can decide whether a not this is for you! Roy.... like a older brother i never had.... always looking out for me and making sure by nagging at me to sleep because you care. I appreciate your concern and i appreciate you as a person. God has really blessed me much by placing you and the rest of the cell into my life. Its just so awesome..... i can't believe i was so scared of you when i first met you... haha.... don't throw the chair at me k! kidding.
hahaha.... oh and to my make up artist! OMG WATI..... if you ever see this..... you are God provided.... a blessing... and i am so so so grateful that words cannot express how much i appreciate your services and help!
Yup that's the end of my Grateful list for now....Sorry now i'm a little distracted.... the ice skating guy is way too hot for words..... and when he skates.... makes me miss my ice skating times... when i used to train until leisure park closed down for awhile. I still have my White Ice skating Boots and they still fit. can you believe that???? Anyone wanna go skating anytime soon???? i'll make time for that date! =) Freak!!! so distracting.... he is so so good! I'm at novena by the way! hahahahaa...... DISTRACTION..... he is dancing to Micheal Jackson! Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha.... ok cheekiness Off!
Ok now back to production.... Time for timeline.....
- woke up in the day to clear the house for viewing....
- Left the house to meet Ridz to discuss the production schedule and so forth.
- Met up, sat at coffee club at siglap and spend the whole afternoon being super
stressed. Making phone calls and asking around for a driver for the set, A truck and bus to rent, looking for Stand ins, and so forth... think i used up my whole phone air time.
- It got dark, we both had to head home for dinner and i knew i could no longer deal with it i needed to stress out. so we took the bus he left and i alone trying to destress with my music in my ears.
- While Listening i suddenly had a weird feeling.... You know when your heart feels like it dropped to ya stomach and its really heavy and you just wanna cry??!!! yeah i had that feeling. I didn't understand why either. NOt that i was super stressed but i suppose my heart and mind was crying out for personal me time. to sort my heart and mind out.
- After i got off the bus at tampines, I decided i needed a walk around. I was so tempted to spend money and i admit it was not easy.... i had to keep my hands off my wallet.... I just went window shopping, trying clothes on and not buying them.... just to get my mind off emotional stuff that i can't place down in words.... too personal.
- I got my virgin ring engraved again cause my other ring got all rusty and well it started giving me rashes..... so yeah.... got another one and told my friend i changed my ring so he can look out for me to keep me pure like how i'm keeping a look out for him too..... i explained before why being a virgin to me was most important.... wanna know more.... read my previous post like a few months back.... not very far... a few post back! =) title Virgin Rings.
- I then took a bus home and walked to the pool. Sat down on the tanning chair and closed my eyes. Such peace at 9pm.... with no one around the pool. I let my phone play the song "tears" by X-japan i i just broke down. I couldn't help myself.... i just felt so vulnerable and all i really longed for was to be hugged and to be told i'll be alright.
- As i played the song with my eyes close, I felt comforted. I felt as if someone was sitting beside me and just watching me cry but having that imaginary someone there was very comforting.... i don't know how to explain but but i opened my eyes.... no one was there... but i felt it anyway! i suppose its how music provides comfort. It was like a dream. Like how i had fun with the guy in my dreams... wasn't lustful. it was just having fun and enjoying the best out of life... even if its to the childish things like playing tag or catching some may call!
- I went to the club house to wash my face and headed home..... yup! and turned on my e buddy to rant and got hurt but picked up again by another friend as said in my previous post. so yeah! That was my day..... I thank God i have this day to write out all this.... think my next pitch and script would be on having a imaginary friend who exist in the world but they only meet in dreams.... ain't that like so cool??? Will let you know again after i worked on it. =) hahaha.
Gotta go now. Mummy is done..... till then....
I love you all who been a blessing to me.... don't judge me for being emotional and long winded to a certain extend.... i'm just like that.
Take care and know i love you even if the world thinks you don't deserve it.
Love,
Jesselene
my memories ;